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Original Personal Ad
I don't have the original ad anymore, but it was basically a Caucasian woman who was looking for another woman between 25 and 35 I think. She was physically fit and adventurous, etc.
3rd Person Narrator's View of the Respondant
Rachel hasn't answered a personal ad before, but a friend of hers suggested she try it since she'd been dateless for a year. Her last relationship hadn't ended on good terms. She's 5'5" in heels and pretty much all-around average--average looks, average weight, and average intelligence. She's 33 years old, but says she's 29. She's not particularly adventurous, but she likes to think she is. She's a little mousy looking--brown hair, brown eyes, and tends to dress in neutral shades.
Rachel's View of Herself
I think I'm fairly mature for a 29 year old. I consider myself pretty--maybe not beautiful, but pretty. I'm 5'5", and I'm fit. I have chestnut colored hair and hazel eyes. I'm adventurous, and I love to try new things. The other day, I was going to go bungee jumping with some coworkers, but I came down with a 24-hour bug, so I couldn't go unfortunately. I'm a little nervous about the date since it's been a while. It's not that I haven't had offers, though. I just had a messy breakup, but I'm completely past it now.
Date
Rachel gets in Rose's car.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSE: You ready to have a wild night with the princess of fun?
RACHEL: Um, sure. What are we going to do?
ROSE: Well, first, we're going to this sushi place I just adore.
RACHEL: Sorry, I don't like sushi.
ROSE: Come on, you'll love it.
Rose drags Rachel to the sushi bar anyway.
ROSE: *slurp slurp* You sure you don't want some of this. *smacks lips* Mmm.
RACHEL: I'm positive. *shudder*
ROSE: You know, I've heard of vegetarians, but I've never heard of fishetarians. Ha ha ha!
RACHEL: A fishetarian would eat only fish.
*awkward silence*
Rose takes Rachel straight home after dinner.
Rachel's Opinion of the Date
I was looking forward to the date since she sounded so nice in the ad. She pulled up to my house in a beat-up Mercedes, looked over her tacky sunglasses, and tooted the horn, signaling for me to get in. She didn't even smile or say hi!
She had told me that she had the date all planned out, and I was ready for a fun time. However, she said she was taking me to a sushi restaurant. As if I want to eat slimy raw fish! I tried to politely tell her that I don't like sushi, but she dragged me there anyway. I ended up having nothing to eat since the place served only sushi. I would've been hungry afterwards, but watching her scarf down that disgusting stuff made me lose my appetite, especially since she chewed with her mouth open. To make things worse, she tried to make a lame joke about my not eating fish by calling me a "fishetarian" which made absolutely no sense since a "fishetarian" would only eat fish. I told her so, and that shut her up for the only time that night.
Fortunately, she apparently couldn't think of anywhere else to go, so she took me home, which was a huge relief. She looked like she wanted a good-night kiss, but there was no way I was going to kiss that raw-fish-eating mouth. I didn't even bother inviting her in for anything to drink. There's no way I'm ever going out with her again, and that's the last time I answer a personal ad! She was nothing like she said she was. She wasn't even pretty! I could see her roots!