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usk was setting when the group returned to Other Village. Conversation was both merry and lively, frequently merry and lively at the same time. Amelia and Naga were busy swapping family gossip, Gourry was making the occasional highly uninformed observation, and Zelgadis was constantly tossing subtle, yet snide remarks in Naga's direction. Lina just walked along, quietly. They were having a small problem, in that they technically had absolutely no idea where their quarry was. They knew the lores were located at 'The Lake of Reflections' and 'The Great Library', a fact revealed to Lina in her brief encounter with Silverquick's recorded mirror message. However, nobody knew where the lake or the library were. Once again, they were at square one, with an address and no idea how to find it. Most of the group assumed Lina wasn't particularly chatty because of being disappointed at this second lead to nowhere. She did speak when spoken to, though, and kept, while not cheery, at least not non-cheery. "Why can't we just go to any library?" Gourry asked. "I mean, 'great library' could just mean 'a really swell library', not a specific one... right, Lina?"
"It's a specific one," Lina replied, keeping her eyes on the road as they walked along.
"Ah," Gourry nodded.
Silence.
Zelgadis opted to fill in the conversational blanks. "According to legend, the Great Library was an incredible archive of magical books in the ancient empire of Alexitribik, but the empire was misplaced in a war, and the library was never found again. I think I've vaguely heard of the 'Lake of Reflections' as well, as being involved in Mirror Magic, but not why or where."
"It sounds exciting!!" Amelia smiled, adding a pinch of spring into her step. Any more, and she'd be leaping like a gazelle. "Isn't it thrilling to find these long lost treasures for the glory of Sailoon, Lina-san? Ne, ne?"
"It's exciting," Lina said, in the same tone one might say 'the tree is next to the building'.
"And once again, we're united in a quest!" Naga added. "Perhaps once more you can claim some small degree of fame from my exploits in discovering the secrets of the lores, Lina! OHOOHOOHHOHOOHHOOHOO!!"
Retorts. Insults. Fireballs. All these and more were not lobbed in Naga's direction.
Naga tapped her chin, thinking. "In fact, maybe you'll become famous enough to be called the One True Sidekick of Naga the White Serpent! Or at least you'll be remembered for being something other than flat-chested upstart."
Lina exploded in a white hot frenzy of no sort of response at all.
"You're SHORT, Lina! Short and underdeveloped!" Naga insisted, getting irritated.
The others started to drift away from Naga, in case she spontaneously burst into flame.
"Eh?" Lina asked, looking behind her at the others. "Oh... sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What is it?"
That halted Naga in her tracks. "What? Who are you and what have you done with Lina?"
The fireball snapped off Lina's fingers, setting fire to Naga's cape.
"I'm LINA INVERSE!" she barked, some energy coming to her voice again as Naga panicked. "LINA! Got it?!"
With that, Lina picked up her pace and ran off without actually looking like she was running. It was more of a hurried walk.
Amelia finished locking her sister into a block of ice in an attempt to put out the fire. "Uh... did I miss something? Lina-san seems kind of... odd."
"Mpmhphmhpmhh," Naga agreed, shivering.
Zelgadis grumbled, rubbing his temples with the sound of two rocks grating together. "In case none of you happened to notice, she's been moody ever since getting Silverquick's mirror message. Maybe she saw something she didn't like."
"Ano? Hey! That would explain it!" Gourry agreed, smacking his fist into his palm in a manly signal of acknowledgment. "Maybe she noticed in the mirror that she was getting a pimple on her nose! It was much bigger today than yesterday. I'm very observant, you know."
"Yes, Gourry. That's it exactly. Very observant of you," Zelgadis mocked.
"Thanks!" Gourry smiled.
The inn was quiet that night. Other Village was not known for its rowdy hip keg-swinging wenching all hours music playing slap happy fun night scene -- it was known for good maps, doorstops, and the occasional two headed squirrel.
Lina was thankful for that, as she sat on the balcony of her inn room, perched precariously on the railing. Night air, when not filled with drunken singing, was good air to breathe while being thoughtful. Also, it lent her a bit of privacy; she didn't like to do any really heavy thinking around the gang. After blowing up this afternoon, and trying to mask it by putting on the 'ol happy, carefree, can-do behaviors, she needed some time to herself.
"So, ready to talk about it yet?" Zelgadis asked, having snuck onto the balcony silently. "Or are you going to just stick to the happy, carefree, can-do act?"
Lina groaned. "Zel, you know, there's such a thing as tact. You don't have to point out when I'm trying to fake you guys out so directly."
"Of course I do. You don't exactly volunteer information, you know."
"There's nothing to volunteer," Lina maintained. "I was just a little tense, is all."
"And Naga's insults annoyed you, right?"
"Huh?"
Zel grinned. "So you didn't mind her calling you a flat-chested upstart back there?"
"SHE WHAT? The nerve of that....." Lina started, before realizing she fell into a word trap. "Che. You sneaky bastard."
"So, if not her less than colorful commentary, what made you decide to fry her?" Zel asked, leaning against a nearby wall and looking perfectly nonchalant.
"You'll think it's silly."
"I promise not to laugh at you too much."
"It's just a completely unfounded idea, anyway."
"Try me."
"I'm not certain myself about it."
"You realize that the more you hint at, the more curious I'll become?" Zel pointed out.
Lina gave up, shoulders sagging. "I snapped when she asked me who I was."
"So?"
"Like I said, it's stupid," Lina reminded him.
"The mirror, yes? What you saw in Silverquick's message. You were in there for awhile with it, much more than a simple 'Hello, all six of you scamper off to the library and the lake'."
Lina nodded quietly. She contemplated the stars above a last moment, then turned around, hopping off the railing and dropping twenty feet to her death, except for the fact that she got off on the right side and dropped one foot to the balcony and did not in fact die.
"It was, more or less, Silverquick's life history," she explained. "Pertaining to the mirror lore. Something pretty bad happened to him, something that he said will happen to everybody who seeks out the lores. It's part of a contract the Lord of Nightmares set up, something about keeping the 'balance of things', whatever that means."
"Makes sense. What's the counterforce here?"
"'The worst within,'" Lina said. "Silverquick said that the seeker must one day face 'the worst within'. For him, it was his twin brother, who turned into a drunken megalomaniac that ended up destroying.. something important to him."
"A tragic tale," Zel said. "Repeated a lot in history and drama."
Lina paused, pensive. She looked at the floor a moment, then up to Zelgadis's eyes, tossing a look of implied trust.
"It's repeating here," she admitted. "I'm almost nearly certainly positive. Amelia told you guys that some maniac attacked us, right?"
"Yes, and in her version of the story, you bravely chased the guy off at the expense of being injured in a very valiant self-sacrifice of honor and justice," Zelgadis quoted, word for word. "What really happened?"
"Keep in mind that I am in no way one hundred percent sure of what I saw," Lina warned. "But I remember one thing very clearly."
Three figures fled across the rooftops of Other Village that night. One, on foot, turned and aimed a weapon at the flying pursuers.
Ptang! and something skimmed through Lina's shield, through her glove and grazed her skin. Lina's Raywing spun slightly out of control, the powers disturbed, and the cloak jumped to the road, making a break for it.
"Lina-san!!" Amelia called, finally catching up in flight. "Are you okay?"
Without responding, Lina's anger gave her a boost of speed -- she made a beeline for the figure, no spells at hand, no sword drawn, and simply let gravity and flight help her body tackle, coincidentally inventing the world's first smart missile in the process.
The two smashed together in a grunting, painful collision, the inertia rolling them both along the street. Finally, they crashed into the side of a candlesmith's shop, Lina pinning the hunter to the wall. She pulled the hood away --
Lina looked back into her own eyes, and laughed madly. The other Lina.
Blood freezing cold, Lina stared at the girl; the girl who was herself, but not exactly herself. The face had scars, like claw marks. The eyes, darting and erratic, red with bloodshot from lack of sleep, damp from moisture. But what she'd remember most, the one seemingly trivial detail, was the girl's hair. Dead white, drained of all its color and shine.
The other Lina laughed, a horribly insane little chuckle of glee and anger. Then the laughter died.
"I hate you," she said, simply, and connected her fist with Lina's jaw.
"Then when I woke up, Amelia had poured black magic coffee into my veins, and I had other problems to deal with," Lina concluded. "I get to the lake, and whoa! There's Naga. Then I wake up and I'm face to face with what might have been Silverquick's past.. maybe he was just telling me a tale of warning, or maybe it was true. But either way, now that I actually had time to sit and really reflect on this, I wonder.. was that the person who Silverquick was warning me about?"
Silence hung for a beat.
"You don't happen to have a twin sister, do you?" Zelgadis asked, cool and logical.
"My big sister definitely isn't my twin," Lina asked. "I know where this other me comes from, though. Sort of. Remember how the mirror in Sailoon exploded? It didn't just go boom on its own. I... well..."
"Broke it?"
"I couldn't remember why. Still can't remember any specifics, actually. But what if I broke it because I saw.. her?" Lina asked. "What if I saw some really godawful, nightmare version of me from some insane universe, and when I freaked out and broke the mirror... she got into our world?"
"It makes sense. But why would she hate you, or try to kill you?" Zelgadis asked. "And we don't know that she even knows about the mirror lores. She might not even be related to this business."
"Like I said... I don't know, not exactly," Lina said. "But what if it's true? It's a great big pile of unknowns here. I don't like unknowns, they have a habit of.. of... of something very bad which I can't put into words."
Zelgadis turned away, just slightly, to look into the night. Pondering. Lina watched the boy think, not having anything much to say herself, and waited.
Almost a minute later, Zelgadis spoke. "We don't know right now what's going on with this person. It's possible that she's going to be a problem later, but since we can't predict where or how, worrying about it like this won't help us. In particular, moping about it today led to the accident with Naga, who I personally can't say I had many problems with getting a hot seat, but that's just a starting incident. So, I'd recommend trying not to worry about this and concentrating on our current quest, which needs more immediate attention. We can handle this Lina INVERSED later and things will work out with caution and keeping things in perspective."
Lina was speechless.
"Of course, that's just a recommendation. Take it or leave it," Zel said, downplaying things.
For the first time that day, Lina smiled and meant it. "It's a good recommendation."
"I figure with me here, and Gourry and Amelia and Naga and so on, we can handle this problem as a group," Zel continued. "So you don't have to sit around worrying about it yourself."
"You know, Zel, you could start charging a toll for these moments of insight and bankrupt me in short time."
"If Gourry would do his job, I wouldn't have to save the psychological day like this at all," Zelgadis thought he said under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing," Zelgadis said. "I'm turning in. Later."
"What about Gourry?"
"Forget it," he insisted.
"Ohhhh, no, you don't. If you can poke me until I admit what's on my mind, I can do the same. Wh--"
"Actually, the original reason I came out here was to tell you that Melvin's back," Zelgadis smirked, deftly switching to a topic Lina couldn't ignore.
"Wha??! But.. wait, what about... UGH! You sneak!" Lina laughed. "Okay, okay. To be continued. Now where is Mister Allergy?"
At the impromptu gang meeting called in Amelia's room, Melvin was all smiles and laughter.
"It was the darndest thing," he continued to explain. "Here I was, probably being chased by that, um, maniac who was shooting at us, and a kind stranger helped me get home. Um. I felt kind of bad about running out on you guys, so I decided to come back here and make sure you were okay, and that's when I saw him."
"He met the map dealer I saw, Lina-san!" Amelia chirped. "What an amazing coincidence!"
"Yes, exactly!" Melvin nodded. "And you'll never believe what he gave me! I didn't look at it at first, but apparently it's a set of directions that shows how to get to the Great Library and the Lake of Reflections. Amelia-chan here told me you guys were looking for them, and what did you know, I remembered that I put the paper in my pocket and it had just what you needed on it!"
"How convenient," Zelgadis said, voice dripping with liquid suspicion.
"OOHHOOHOHHOHOHO!! It must be destiny, that this mysterious helpful stranger came to my aid!" Naga said. "We will start out first thing in the morning!"
"Ah, but there is a problem," Melvin said, unrolling the mapmaker's strange paper. "According to this, the empire where the Library sat is now in the country of Evilania, and getting there involves a lengthy trip over land. Also, the lake is in the country of Justivalero, which is on the other side of the ocean. We'll need to book passage on a ship."
"You know, my uncle was a sailor in the merchant marines who traded beads and songs with the natives on various islands until he sold them a really really bad song and the natives forced him to sing it over and over without food or water until he died," Gourry interjected.
Dead silence.
"...I guess that's not a very funny anecdote," he noticed.
Lina sat back, considering the situation. "So... we've got two locations to visit, one or both of which have the lores. How far away are they?"
"Evilania's quite a distance off. A week's travel by land. Justivalero is a week at sea, and if you wanted to travel from one to the other, it'd be another week of combined land and sea travel," Melvin calculated. "So, to visit both locations you're looking at about two weeks. It's a rather jaunty little equilateral triangle, isn't it?"
"Whoa! Don't ships get sucked down to their dooms at the Equilateral Triangle?!" Gourry asked. "My uncle told me that legend."
"No, you ninny, that's the Bahumut Trapezoid," Melvin said, rolling his eyes, but still smiling. "Entirely different geometry."
"So... what's the Equalabular Triangle do?"
"Nothing!"
Lina got up. "Excuse me all, I have to go powder my nose. Come along, Zel."
"Eh?" Zelgadis asked. "You want me to powder your nose?"
"Just c'mere!" Lina hissed, grabbing him by a stony ear and dragging.
"I thought the Bahumut Trapezoid was where an ancient king had his knights meet," Gourry said, accidentally but fortuitously distracting the others.
"No, that's the Octagonal Table."
"Isn't an Octagon a large fish?"
"That's an OctaPUS!"
"A cat?"
Melvin continued to smile. "Yes, a cat. That's it precisely. You're so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence, Gourry-san."
"Gosh, thanks!"
"Can you let go of my ear now?" Zelgadis asked, trying to sound patient.
Lina released him, and dropped her voice to whisper tones, keeping the closed door between herself and the others. "Something isn't right here."
"It does not take a nuclear alchemist to realize that," Zel mocked.
"First, we have the extremely convenient map, in addition to the other extremely convenient maps we've obtained. Second, Melvin must have been drinking a lot of milk last night, because he's suddenly grown a spine."
"So, do you trust his information?"
"I'm not sure. It's the only lead we have.. but we don't have a way to verify it," Lina said. "Hrmmmm. What do you think?"
"I think I'd like to ask... why did you take ME out here?" Zel asked, swerving the conversation another direction.
"Eh?"
"Why are you specifically conferencing with me? Did I say I wanted to be in the decision making process here?"
"But... well, after that really good advice--"
"I should start charging a toll, then, if I'm being taken for granted."
Lina stamped her foot. "I value your advice!! Okay? Amelia's living in a dream world all the time, Gourry just does not have a clue, and Naga... she doesn't know how to keep a secret, and.. just work with me here, okay?"
Zelgadis sighed. "Divide the group into two, have one set go looking for the lake and the other for the library. Put me on the group heading by ship and assign Melvin to me so I can keep an eye on him and kill him quietly with no chance of escape if he tries to doublecross us, then I can signal you somehow that it's a trap and we can turn around and meet back at a predesignated point to start from square one."
Lina stepped back. "That's.. rather cold blooded, isn't it?"
"Do you want my advice or not?" Zelgadis asked. "If he's gone insane or plotting to ambush us, he should be killed. I'll handle it."
"You don't have to kill him, just detain him or something. He's just a wimpy little astrologist or something, right?"
"I'll handle it," Zelgadis repeated.
"The plan's sound otherwise. Good idea. I'll go back in and announce that I came up with how we'll divide up."
Lina turned and started to turn the doorknob; Zelgadis put a hand over hers, stopping her.
"What exactly are you going to do without me on this quest if you can't make decisions for the group?" he bluntly asked.
"I can make decisions," Lina bluntly denied. "Besides, I'll be in your group."
"And leave Gourry behind?"
"Well... um..."
"And put yourself at risk if Melvin attacks? No way, I'd rather you not. I'll handle it, you go with the others."
With that, he twisted the knob under Lina's hand, ending the conversation as the others looked up at them expectantly.
"Ah... good news!" Lina said, trying to cover up. Zel slipped into the room, making like nothing was wrong, and resumed his seat.
"Did you know that a Dodecahedron was a kind of ancient bird?" Gourry asked, revealing the fruits of the prattle he was engaged in while Lina was out of the room. Melvin was smiling to himself, probably out of amusement, or just the idea of throttling Gourry.
"I've decided how to handle matters," Lina said. "We're going to divide into two groups. One will go by boat to the lake, the other by land to the library. Three to a team. Then we'll meet back at... what's the best midpoint between those places, Melvin?"
"That would be the Island of Ultimate Despair," Melvin smiled.
"..."
"I hear it has a lovely tourist trade this time of year. All sorts of quaint island culture," he insisted. "It's just a name, honestly, nothing indicative. They actually have a very low crime rate and a moderate climate."
"..right," Lina nodded, sweating slightly. "We'll raid both places and meet up at the Island of Ultimate Despair. Soo... Amelia, you and Gourry come with me. Naga, Zelgadis and Melvin will go to the ocean."
"I'm not going with Naga," Zelgadis said. "She's annoying."
"Annoying? Moi? OOOHOHOOHHOHOO!! He simply has problems with me being a more powerful and stylish sorcerer than he is!"
"Unlike Lina, I don't blast people who insult me," Zelgadis said, turning to Naga. "I just tell them to shut up. Shut up, Naga."
"...on second thought, maybe locking these two into a ship's quarters together is a bad idea," Lina thought aloud. "Okay, shuffle. Amelia, Zelgadis and Melvin to sea, and me, Gourry and.. Naga on land."
"Gosh, Lina-san, I rather wanted to go with you," Melvin smiled, laying on the charismatic admiration with a shovel. "It's not every day I have a chance to observe a master sorceress in action."
"Why, thank y.. can't be helped," Lina said, wobbling under intense bootlicking. "That's final."
"Hooray!" Amelia cheered. "I'm going to be in charge of leading my own group!"
"Actually, Zelgadis is going to lead in my absence," Lina said.
"Ehhh?! But... but Lina-san!" Amelia protested, eyes getting all big and watery, balling up her fists under her chin adorably. "Don't you trust me?"
"..." Lina said under the assault of cuteness. She looked to Zelgadis for support, but Zel had decided to look in another direction. "Ah, well.. Amelia-chan.. um..."
Gourry tapped Lina's shoulder.
"Ne," he whispered, "You could have Zelgadis lead them and just let Amelia think she's in charge to make her happy."
Lina looked at Gourry with a stare usually reserved for small woodland mammals who pause in gathering nuts and berries to recite particle physics theories.
"Just a thought," he smiled politely.
"Okay!" Lina said, raising her voice. "Amelia! You're in command. Zelgadis will be your, ah.. 'Advisor'."
"YAHOOO!!" Amelia shrieked at a pitch that could probably shatter glass. "You won't be sorry, Lina-san! You won't be you won't be you won't be!"
Gourry smiled kindly. "See? Everybody's happy now."
as Sailoon was aptly named. Sailoon had a particular thing for naming its major cities which bordered on
geographical narcissism -- there was New Sailoon, Sailoon City, Sailoonburg, Neo-Sailoon, and so on. Las Sailoon was the primary port of the country, from which you could obtain transportation, trade goods, and visit the fabled Sailoon Bureau of Tourism.
"The name actually translates out of ancient Saileese," Melvin explained, as the group entered the city walls. "'Sailoon' meaning 'The country of wonders and prosperity', and 'Las' meaning 'To get completely lost in'. It was very fitting for travelers."
"We'll be going out rather than in," Lina said. "Okay, team. The game plan?"
"I'll take my group down to the docks and book passage on a ship," Amelia recited. "We'll go to Justivalero, get whatever is at the Lake of Reflections, and then take the ship to the Island of Ultimate Despair."
"Right. And my group will get a stagecoach to take us into Evilania, where we'll find the lost library and get what's probably the book of lores, then we'll skim over to the Island as well," Lina confirmed. "According to my calculations, if we start off right now and allocate two or three days for searching for our items we'll meet at the same time at the island, ready to go!"
"Onward towards the glory of Sailoon!" Amelia added, just to throw in a patriotic note.
The group split, three and three, and immediately got on a ship and a stagecoach and went off and got their stuff and met up and the Oracle Mirror was remade and returned to Sailoon and they lived happily ever after.
THE END
"A what?" Lina asked.
"Passport," the coach driver repeated. "I can't get you into Evilania unless you're cleared for entrance by the Evilanian Board of Tourism at their embassy in Las Sailoon. The paperwork is required to pass all border checkpoints."
"Okay.. we can handle that," Lina nodded. "Where's the embassy?"
"The 3rd Rue de Sailoone on the corner of Steif and Purcell behind the coffee shop with the red canopy."
"Right! Gourry, remember that for me," Lina said, making a very large mistake.
"Got it!" Gourry said, three seconds before forgetting.
"Huh?" Amelia asked.
"Travel insurance," the captain repeated. "I got sued no less than three months ago because someone fell over the side and drowned. They said I had to make sure everybody had safety training and travel insurance before I could take them any distance farther than two hundred miles by sea."
"Okay.. we can handle that," Amelia nodded. "Where do we get training and insurance?"
"You'll want to head to the Sailoon Department of Oceanic Vehicles. It's over on the east side of the harbor, so you'll need to get a skiff to head over there or make your way through the streets, and find a red brick building with a yellow sign in front with the royal crest of Sailoon."
"Right! Zelgadis-san, remember that for me," Amelia said, selecting wisely.
"Got it," Zel said, memorizing.
Melvin was not entirely correct about the translation of Las Sailoon.
True, Sailoon stood for a variation on the theme of 'The country of wonders and prosperity.' But Saileese, a language not actually used in Sailoon for centuries, was discarded for a reason -- it tries to pack too much meaning into too few syllables. So, 'Las' specifically when aligned with the name of a city meant 'To be lost inside and never emerge again as a result of the many-faceted horrors of red tape'. It's nice to know that despite the language dying out, the thing it honored has been upheld by generation upon generation of clerks, travel agents, and bureaucrats in Las Sailoon. Not to mention architects and city planners.
"Where's that building?!" Lina groaned. They were very, very far behind in her timetable, which had allocated five minutes to getting on a coach and rolling out of town. So far they had been searching the city for a half hour trying to find... a place which Gourry was supposed to remember.
"Sorry I forgot," Gourry said. "I got distracted."
"Maybe we should go back to the coach station and get more directions," Lina sighed. "Although we're really taking awhile here. I'd prefer to just get this over with..."
"Lina, Lina! You're so naive!" Naga chuckled. "You must be more aggressive, like me. Observe!"
Naga reached into the crowd of pedestrians, pulled one out and slammed him against a nearby wall with Impressive Force. "Tell us where we can find the Evilanian Embassy, peasant!!!" she demanded.
The peasant made no sounds.
"You knocked him out, Naga," Lina commented.
"Oi..." Gourry said, pointing across the street. "Isn't that... uh..."
"Not now, Gourry. Try again, Naga, but GENTLY."
The White Serpent cracked her knuckles and repeated the procedure of harassing a random bystander. "Where is the Evilanian Embassy?!"
"Aaaaaa! Evilanian! Evilanian!" the tourist screamed. "Run away!"
The crowd of tourists scattered like frightened tourists. The one in Naga's grip sacrificed his five GP flowered shirt to make a clean getaway.
"I have this sneaking suspicion that 'Evilania' is not a well liked country," Lina mused.
"Anooo... Lina..." Gourry said, tapping Lina's shoulder.
Naga dusted off her hands. "I guess we'll just have to start breaking things until someone complies with our requests!"
"But.. the embassy's right there."
Gourry pointed to a building made of absolute darkness, carved from onyx bricks fired in forges of blood that sucked in the daylight. A dark stormcloud hung over the building, thunder rolling as the trio gazed upon the evil embassy. Doom, doom was nigh! The coming of portents of doom and despair! All will perish in the everlasting fires of damnation!! Weep, o arrogant humanity, for--
*WHAM*
"We get the point already!!" Lina yelled at the narrator, putting her mallet away. "This seems to be the place. Come on, let's get on with it."
The docks were empty. Even the seagulls were missing. If it wasn't for the occasional discarded mooring line, the Las Sailoon Small To Medium Sized Docking Pier #34 would just look like a bunch of Lincoln Logs tossed into the bay.
"Hey, where is everybody?" Amelia asked.
"Come come, princess!" Melvin smiled. "Surely you remember that this is the prime lobster season. In fact, today the catch should be at its peak. Um. Every local boat is going to be out finding the catch of the day."
Amelia peered across the bay. "That's a long way to walk, if we're gonna go on foot... hmmm. We could fly!"
"I'm afraid of heights," Melvin said. "They give me rashes or something."
"If not flying, then....." Zelgadis said, looking around and around and.. "Oh, great. It seems there is one boat left."
He gestured to a nearby sign, painted in a variety of eye-pleasing primary colors. It read CAPTAIN KID'S SHIVER ME TIMBERS KIDDIE HARBOR TOUR.
"Ohh, that's so cuuute!" Amelia bubbled. "Let's take that, let's!"
"I hope stone teeth can't get cavities," Zelgadis muttered.
Giggling with girlish glee, Amelia hopped along the pier until she reached the sign. She leaned over, to call out to the boat below. "Hello! We'd like to book passage!"
"ARRR!!!" a gruff, fat voice called from the pathetically dinky rowboat lashed to the pier with second hand moorings. The captain, a jolly old man with a corncob pipe and a parrot on his shoulder, waved to Amelia. "Welcome aboard, yungun! That'll be five pieces 'o eight for a journey! Arrrr!!"
"I'm not going," Zelgadis announced.
"Awww, but it looks like it'll be fun," Amelia protested. "It'll be so boring on an ocean voyage, let's have a little enjoyment now!"
"I'll see you on the other side of the bay. RAYWING!" Zelgadis cast, a bubble popping around him. He zipped off across the bay and landed on the other side ten seconds later, then loitered like only an angsty chimera can.
Amelia waved politely as he left, then turned to Melvin. "So! Shall we?"
"Why, yes. It might actually be somewhat amusing," Melvin smiled, stepping down the ladder and onto the boat.
"Shiver me timbers!!" Captain Kid shivered, hauling in the moorings. "Welcome to me mighty sea vessel!"
"It's a rowboat, you silly old man," Melvin giggled.
"Ah, but it no be any ORDINARY rowboat, ye land lubber! It be having a glass bottom, to look at the fine variety of aquatic life in Las Sailoon Bay!"
"Life in the bay!! Life in the bay!!" the parrot on the captain's shoulder squawked. "Squawk! Shut up, Marge!"
Amelia immediately pressed her face against the glass hard enough to look like a Picasso, scaring off any fish who dared to look in her direction. "Wowf! If reaffy neef down thfrf!"
"So, what happens if the glass breaks?" Melvin asked, curiously.
"Then we be sucked down to Terry Jones' Locker, me mates! But you no be worrying. Captain Kid runs a tight ship, that he does!" the captain laughed.
"Squawk! Suck down tight! Suck down tight! Go to hell, Marge!"
"What an interesting bird," Melvin giggled, tickling it under the chin. It playfully tried to bite his finger off. "So, chances are very low for such a disaster, you'd say?"
"Why, a million to one!" the Captain exclaimed. "Ye be enjoying the scenery of the bay? Over by the Shady Dealings Warehouse, ye can see the Statue of King Ivan the Not Very Terrible, first ruler of Sailoon! Aye, what a salty dog he was!"
"Squawk! Salty dealings, salty dealings! That's not my knife, Marge!"
Melvin glanced down at Amelia, who was too busy checking out the amazingly detailed featureless bottom of the harbor to notice anything. He looked back up at the captain and smiled.
"Want to make a bet?"
Whoever designed the Evilanian Embassy didn't have much variety in their thinking. But what they lacked in quantity, they made up in another kind of quantity.
Black. Everything was black, except for the few silver or blood red things. The flowers were black with blood red stems in a black vase on either side of the black receptionist's desk. There were also skulls, surrounding the entry door, worked into the concrete of the walls; most of them had melting candles stuck to them. The chandelier was also skulls with candles. And a large mural, embedded with tiny imitation finger bones in the floor, was a huge omega with a skull in the center.
"Eeeeeh.. this place is creepy," Gourry said, keeping one hand on his sword hilt.
"How stylish!!" Naga exclaimed, stars flooding her eyes, clasping her hands cutely to her cheek.
"I'm not impressed," Lina said. "I mean, come on. You put a cheap weather spell to give the place a constant localized thunderstorm, okay, that's interesting. But all this evil schitck is so last century. Cheesy melodrama all the way."
"Just because these nice Evilanians have more aesthetic sense than you doesn't mean you can insult them, Lina," Naga warned. "Be open to the many wonderful fashion and design opportunities!"
"I'm not here for an art critique, anyway," Lina snorted. "Let's get on with it."
The trio approached the receptionist's desk. The receptionist herself was a young woman with a black dress made almost entirely from lace, complete with black fingernail polish, black mascara, a few facial piercings and entirely too much hairspray. Lina had trouble breathing around that head.
"Woe onto the last century of eternity. Can I help you?" she asked politely.
"We need passports into Evilania," Lina said.
"You want subbasement dungeon four, portal thirteen," the receptionist said, peeling a completely inaccurate map off of a stack, next to a variety of leaflets ("Spotter's Guide to Dark Omens," "Evilania : Fun For The Whole Cult!" and the ever popular "Things To Do In Evilania When You're Dead").
"Thanks!" Lina said.
"Burn in torment," the receptionist nodded, and resumed writing an office memo in her own blood.
Zelgadis was so busy eating a sizzling weasel on a stick from a nearby vendor and being completely bored out of his skull waiting for the dinky little boat that he almost didn't see it sink.
One moment it was sputtering along, rowed by the obviously out of shape, over the hill and beyond the event horizon captain, the next it was at the bottom of the bay. Whoosh. Being one to size up a situation and react fast, he immediately recast his Raywing bubble, darted above the bubbles that were being formed, and plunged into the water.
His shield kept plenty of air for him to breathe, as he found the splintered wreck ten feet under the surface; the bay wasn't particularly deep there, fortunately. Amelia and the Captain were busy gagging and drowning; Melvin sat in the wreckage where he was before it went down. Smiling to himself.
If the guy was trying not to look suspicious, he really wasn't trying very hard, Zel thought. He added strength to the Raywing, and scooped up the three of them, floating back up to the surface.
As the bubble bobbed on the water's waves, the dripping wet ex-passengers reoriented themselves.
"That was rather scary, wasn't it?" Melvin smiled. "I wish I had some of my pills. Oh dear, my head."
"What happened?!" Amelia gasped, sucking in air. "One moment I was looking at the neat fish, the next minute.. splash!"
"Me boat! Me boat!!" the captain screamed. "She be sunk! The horror! The horror!"
"Squawk! She sunk, she sunk! Bite me, Marge!"
"You're all very lucky to be alive," Zelgadis reminded them, floating the bubble back over to the weasel vendor's area. "Must've been a million to one chance for that boat to sink, eh?"
The captain considered that, then grimly took out five pieces 'o eight, and gave them to Melvin. "Bet's a bet," he muttered.
Zelgadis released the bubble, and the captain moped off, his spirit broken.
"Awww... that poor man," Amelia pouted. "Ne! We should buy him a new boat! Break out the petty cash!"
"We need the money for our own trip," Zelgadis reminded her. "As your 'Advisor', I'd say you should just send a message back to your father to reimburse him, plus damages."
"Hey! That's a great idea!" Amelia smiled. "I think I'll do that. Yep, no disaster can sink THIS team! Let this... hang on."
Amelia looked around, then started to climb the drainpipe of the dinky weasel vendor's shack. She pulled herself onto the roof after two false tries, then stood up, wobbling to get her balance. Then struck a dramatic pose.
"Oh, no," Zel groaned.
"Let this set forth the pattern of our noble quest!" Amelia intoned. "No matter what obstacles lie in our path, no matter what mishaps may spring upon us from out of nowhere and/or out of the blue, we will persevere! Under the banner of truth, justice, and the Sailoon way, I will lead us to reclaim whatever is at the Lake of Reflections, and we will be glorious!!"
In a final act of leadership and bravado, Amelia jumped from the roof to land and sprint off towards the endless horizon of triumph, except that instead she fell flat on her face.
"Yay," Zel cheered.
eneath the murky hallways of the Evilanian Embassy lurked a maze of twisty little hallways, all alike in their murkiness.
"3... 5... 8... 17... Q... Ix... uh..." Gourry recited, reading the numbers of the doors they passed by. "I might not be a highly educated guy, but I don't think these people know how to count right."
Lina grumbled. "Of course we'd have to be held up by something as silly as finding the office. This is so annoying! We're supposed to be on our way here!"
Curious, Naga opened a nearby foreboding portal of iron, and looked inside. "Either there's a dentist in residence or we're in the torture section of the building."
"Don't be ridiculous, Naga. It's an embassy, not a gulag," Lina said, before looking in. Then she looked in. "Whoa."
"How do they twist the metal strips like that?" Naga wondered.
"Twist? Hell, I'm wondering how they SHARPEN them. And look at the polish!"
"It's not polished. Here, turn your head like this..."
Naga turned her head.
Gourry turned his head.
"It's quite different that way," Naga agreed. "More opaque rather than shiny."
"Why does it need three handles?" Gourry asked, gathering around the door. "And what are all those buckles for?"
"Probably to keep the dental patient from getting away from that rotating swirly thing."
"Noooo..." Naga said, thinking. "That's what the clasp near the pink-painted wooden bit is for, I think. Such engineering prowess, these Evilanians have!"
"I dunno... seems kind of evil to me," Gourry stated the obvious.
Lina swung the door closed. "Either way, this isn't why we're here. Anybody spotted.. what was it?"
"Portal thirteen," Naga almost got right.
"There isn't a thirteen," Gourry pointed out. "It goes 5, 8, 17, Q..."
"I know," Lina interrupted. "It can't be TOO far from here. We'll just keep looking."
'Dah, da dum da dee da da da dum,
dah, da dum da dee da da da dum,
dah, da dum da dee da da da da, da da, da, da...'
Someone coughed.
Feet shuffled.
Zelgadis looked at the ticket he had pulled : 145.
Then he looked a the Now Serving counter : 7.
He listened to the inane music echoing from a nearby Accordion Players Guildhall.
He started to tap his foot.
He immediately stopped that.
Time passed.
"This is quite possibly the most boring moment in my entire life," he commented aloud.
"Huh?" Amelia asked, looking up from an informative brochure on Ocean Safety she had picked up at the front desk. "Aww, come on. The music's catchy, and we've only been here about... how long?"
"Exactly fifty four minutes," Melvin asided.
"Right! I'm sure we'll be out of here in no time."
And lo, as prophesied by the ancient wisdoms, the end was nigh when the words were heard :
"I'm getting hungry," Lina complained. "Where's this office already??"
"We've been searching for two hours," Naga said. "This is ridiculous. If only there were people I could interrogate..."
"Let's start busting down walls until we find the place," Lina suggested. Her stomach rumbled in agreeance.
"Whoa, whoa!" Gourry said, getting between Lina and the nearest wall. "They won't want to give us a passport if we trash their embassy. It's got to be around here somewhere. We're on the right floor, right?"
"Of course we are!" Lina said, underneath a sign reading SUBBASEMENT DUNGEON FIVE. "Okay! That's it. We start opening doors until we find it."
Naga pulled open the nearest door marked 'DO NOT ENTER', then closed it before a large tentacled monster could grab her.
"But first, we run," Lina amended. They ran. The door swung outwards, and the monster slurped slowly down the hallway, seeking them.
'Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah Oompah....'
"Amelia, stop dancing."
"Huh? Oh, sorry."
Zelgadis twitched slightly. "I'm calm. I'm calm. The music is not causing my urge to kill to rise..."
A pasty-faced clerk walked up to the reception desk, and clanged a portable gong on the counter. "Now serving : 146!"
"Wait! What happened to 145?!" Zelgadis asked.
"We already called you," the clerk said. "Didn't you hear?"
"The polka was too loud," Melvin smiled. "I don't think we did."
The clerk gave a little 'Watch Me Not Care' sort of shrug. "Take another number and get back in line."
"I'll have you know I'm a very powerful sorcerer," Zelgadis warned.
Crossing his arms in a defiant paper pusher stance, the clerk stuck out his lower lip. "Threatening to turn me into a frog won't get you in ahead of the line."
There was an brief inrush of air, and a croak.
"I don't make threats," Zelgadis said, after the fact.
"Ummmm... Zelgadis-san, I don't think turning civil servants into toads--"
"Frogs, Amelia."
"--is a very polite thing to do. We're trying to be honorable and valiant on this quest, right?"
"We are? Since when?"
Melvin stepped up. "If I may make a suggestion?"
The others looked at him.
"Since we seem to be hitting difficulties here, how about if you, Amelia, allow Zelgadis a certain amount of leeway in the congeniality department, then we can be very honorable and valiant once outside the country to make up for the gap?" Melvin smiled. "That would be an acceptable deal. After all, don't you want to show Lina how good a leader you are by finishing your job as fast as you can?"
Amelia's brain struggled over ethics, morality, law, consequences, desires, needs and personality quirks for awhile. The boys sat around and waited for her to reach a decision.
"Ooooookay," Amelia said. "But don't go overboard, alright?"
"Yeah, yeah," Zel agreed.
A huge demon monstrosity, phallic tentacles dripping with pink goo faced off against the three adventurers.
"What IS that thing?!" Gourry asked, his sword drawn and ready.
"It's wearing a tie!" Lina said, seeing the dinky strip of fabric around what could possibly be a neck. "I have a feeling it works here..."
"OOHOHOHOOO! I will destroy the beast in one blow!!" Naga laughed, charging up enough electricity to destroy everything in a twenty foot radius..
"Naga!" Lina shouted. "Ask questions, THEN shoot! This thing could help us!"
"Glooorrrrp glar fhppthtttttb(squick squick)," the monster replied.
"Don't be silly, Lina. Clearly it has such horribly disgusting intentions towards our bodies that we must strike it down before it even considers such things!" Naga assumed.
"But think! What if-- wait a minute, why am I arguing this?" Lina said, returning to her classical methods of dealing with Naga.
*BONK*
"Ow!" Naga yelped, her spell piffling out.
"That's better. Now, umm... Mr. Thing, you speak human?"
The monster paused. A tentacle reached into the front pocket of what could possibly be a designer sport coat, and withdrew a hearing aid, which it shoved into an orifice on its head.
"I say, not every day we see chaps like you down here in the 'ol offices. How do you do?" the monster said in gentle, well inflected words.
"..." Lina replied.
"Are you lost, guvn'r? I know my way around here like the back of my pseudopods, you know."
"Yes! That's it! We're lost!" Gourry nodded emphatically. "Where's room thirteen?"
"Thirteen?" the unholy wretch asked, scratching its twisted little head. "There isn't a thirteen on this floor. Terribly sorry. ...or did you mean the fourth subbasement dungeon? This is the fifth, afraid."
Gourry bopped his fist into his palm, the universal signal of understanding. "I see! So we were on the wrong floor, like I thought. I must have good instincts! My uncle was a navigator, you know."
"..." Lina continued.
After Zelgadis was kind enough to revert the clerk back to human form and someone got the dazed bureaucrat a glass of water to calm his nerves, the group immediately and swiftly was ushered into a posh looking office where they instantly proceeded to continue to wait.
It was posh by the standards of the day, meaning it had carpeting and an indoor gas lamp. Gas lamps were harder to obtain in city environments because they tended to explode and turn perfectly normal buildings into fifty foot tall pillars of fire. Having one meant you were either very rich, very suicidal, or both.
Amelia busied herself toying with a strange group of metal balls that, when you pulled one back and let it swing down into the row, would knock the one on the other end up into the air. Zel couldn't see any possible use for it.
"I say, insurance people live well," Melvin commented, sweeping a finger along a shelf for dust. "Even civil ones. Maybe I'm in the wrong occupation."
"What's taking the guy?" Zel asked. "We've been here for a half hour."
"He probably has many other important clients to attend to," Amelia said. "We at Sailoon take safety very seriously, you know. Maintaining vigilance and standards makes for a better tomorrow!"
The door opened, and an obese man in a business suit wandered in, tripping on the carpet and knocking over a potted plant which hit the gas lamp and immediately caught on fire, which quickly spread through a row of dusty old books on the nearby shelf.
Amelia panicked, waving her arms around in a blur. Melvin giggled. Zelgadis immediately cast an elemental Shamanist spell and doused the fire.
"Sorry, sorry," the insurance agent apologized, leveraging himself off the ground in full defiance of physics. He shifted his bulk over to the ridiculously small chair behind his desk. "I was busy setting off fireworks behind the building with some of my pals, then we had to get a delivery of scissors to the Claims department really quick... I got caught up. Anyway, what can I do you for?"
"Uhh..." Amelia started, still shaken, not stirred. "We need travel insurance. For an ocean trip."
"Oh, that's easy... where'd I put those forms.." the man mumbled to himself, rooting through the desk. Fishing out a stack of greasy papers, he handed them to Amelia. "Sorry, I had my sandwich on them. Fill these out in hectiplacate."
Amelia looked at the smudged, impossible to read primitive ink printed document. "Umm.. as leader, I delegate this task to Melvin!"
"I hear and obey," Melvin smiled, taking the papers and a nearby stylus and setting to work.
"That's it, I trust? Just forms?" Zel asked.
"Oh, no. We also gotta get you certified on Ocean Safety with our training course," the clerk said. "I think the next session starts in... ummm... where's my timetable... oh, right. Three hours from now."
"Three hours," Zel repeated, stomach sinking.
"It'll probably take me that long to finish these anyway," Melvin noted, still writing.
"I'm going to go get us some takeout food," Zelgadis announced, getting up. "Saileese Fried Mutton okay with everyone?"
"Oooo! I want an Amusing Meal!" Amelia smiled. "They've got miniature figures shaped like my daddy this month!"
"Yes, I guess that would justify the inflated price of them," Zel said, rolling his eyes. "You know, I bet Lina's already enjoying some foreign cuisine on her little road trip while we're stuck in here."
"AAARHGHGH!!!!" Lina yelled, pulling at her hair.
"How weird," Gourry understated. He looked at the nearby door, which was marked 13. The door next to that was 13. The door a few feet down the hall was 13, as was the one at the end of the hall and another at the juncture to the next hall. In fact, every door visible and probably the ones that weren't visible had a jaunty 13 scored onto them with a red hot iron.
"You know," Naga commented, getting philosophical, "The more I see of Evilanian architecture, the more I appreciate it. This is truly evil. Perhaps I should invite my worst enemies to come here sometime, to trap them in an endless maze of pain and torment! OOOHHOOHOOOOOHOHHOHOOO!!"
Lina cried tears of despair, while throttling Gourry. "I'm hungry! I'm tired! I'm weak with fatigue! When will the nightmare end?! WHEN?"
"Wgaggaggaa," Gourry responded, wobbling around when Lina let go. He shook his head to clear it, regretted that instantly, and decided to just hold very still. "Well... if all the doors are thirteen... and we gotta use the thirteenth door.. then any of them should work. Right?"
"Or only one of them does and we have to find the right thirteen out of about two hundred doors!" Naga almost smiled. "How amazingly EVIL!"
"I like being an optometrist," Gourry smirked.
"'Optimist', Gourry," Lina corrected.
"Oh, no, I don't know anything about eyeballs."
Gourry picked the nearest #13, and pulled the imposing door open...
...to reveal a small office, with a nebbishy looking clerk writing up some forms behind a desk. A half-eaten sandwich and mug of coffee was mixed in with the various papers and forms, and considerably more important, a sign hanging over the desk read PASSPORTS GIVEN HERE.
Lina's eyes filled with stars. "Gourry! You're a lifesaver!"
Gourry smiled, and puffed out his chest a little. "Well, I--"
"YOU FOUND FOOD!" Lina exclaimed, zooming into the room fast enough to leave a Lina-shaped cloud of smoke where she was standing. She immediately scooped up the sandwich, and ate it in one gulp, her stomach making happy-noises.
The clerk looked up in surprise. "Hey, that was my fried egg, chili and chutney sandwich!"
Lina turned purple.
"Excuse me! We're looking for passports!" Gourry said, raising his voice so it could be heard over Lina's gagging and choking. "We need to get into Evilania so we can look for a bookstore or something."
Papers were shuffled as the clerk searched for the right forms, then eventually handed out three identical papers to Naga, Gourry and the recovering Lina. "Fill these out with a number two quill at the form filling station over there."
Naga held up her paper closer to her face, because truthfully she had slightly bad eyesight but never wanted to admit that she needed glasses, no matter how much property damage it caused. "A questionnaire? Hmmm..." She fetched a quill, and started checking off boxes. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes..."
Lina finally caught her breath, only to lose it again when she saw the questions. "WHAT?! What kind of passport application is this? 'I enjoy dressing up in black leather and chrome studs, Y/N'... 'I sometimes enjoy hurting small animals, Y/N'... 'I feel dirty when I mastruuu...' OI! We're not gonna answer any weirdo perverted questions!! Right, guys?!"
"Uhhh.. uhhhhh... uhhhhh..." Gourry agreed, turning red in the face from embarrassment as he read his form.
Naga walked over, and pushed her completed form across the desk. "All done!"
A few quick passes with his quill, and the clerk checked out Naga's form. "Excellent! Welcome to Evilania, like-minded individual. Hail Evilania and all its tainted fruits!"
"Hail Evilania!" Naga repeated, saluting. "This country will be a most enjoyable place for a quest. Don't you think so, Lina? OOHHOHOHOOO!!"
Amelia, Zelgadis, and Melvin stood in rank and file with the other three Sailoon citizens who were here for Ocean Safety Training. Nobody budged an inch.
The last person who tried to shift from one foot to the other was made to do fifty pushups. Someone who sneezed had to do fifty pushups one-handed. The drill instructor, one Corporal Punishment, paced back and forth in front of the recruits, his Sailoon military helmet polished to a degree that could melt a hole in a wall from the reflected sunlight.
"Never before have I seen a more worthless load of maggots!" he declared in a voice that could probably be heard in Evilania. "But when I'm done kicking your sorry asses from this side of Sailoon Harbor to the next, you WILL BE lean, mean, OCEAN SAFETY MACHINES! NOW SOUND OFF LIKE YOU'VE GOT A PAIR!!! YOU WITH THE STUPID GRIN!"
"Who, me?" Melvin smiled.
The corporal got so far into Melvin's personal space that he could be charged rent.
"There's a joker in every bunch! Well, the Sailoon Oceanic Safety Council don't got room for no jokers! You try anything funny with me, mister, and I'll bust you down to civilian so hard your grandparents die!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"
"PERFECTLY, YOUR EXCELLENCY!" Melvin barked, retaining his grin.
The corporal sneered, and gave Melvin the evil eye, before proceeding down the line. "You, little girl! You think a powder puff like you has what it takes not to accidentally fall overboard and drown in a hurricane!? WELL, DO YOU!"
"Uh, no, sir!" Amelia yelped. "I mean, yes, sir! Sir, yes, I mean! Sir! Um.. actually, I'm the princess of Sailoon, so really you should be calling me ma'am, sir, but--"
"WHAT?!" the veteran barked. "So now we got some miss pretty perfect PRIN-CESS on our squad? Thinking she deserves special treatment?! WELL, AS FAR AS THE SAILOON OCEANIC SAFETY COUNCIL IS CONCERNED, YOU ARE LITTLE MORE THAN SEA SCUM! Drop and give me infinity!"
Amelia's resolve dissolved like it was dropped in acid, and she immediately got down and started pushing out weak little exercises. The corporal nodded in satisfaction, and moved on... and paused.
"You look funny, boy," he said, his breath not meeting Zelgadis's approval. "You ain't from around here, are you? Some kind of foreign spy trying to ride OUR waves and learn OUR safety protocols?? WHERE YOU COME FROM, WORM?"
"I don't feel the need to tell you," Zel said, voice cooler than Vanilla Ice.
The corporal almost stepped back. "Well well well, we got a dissenter in the ranks, don't we?"
"Are you going to give us the stupid safety test or not, 'sir?'" Zelgadis asked. "I've been here for hours. My legs are killing me. And I'm starting to consider going across the road and blowing up that Accordion Players Guild. Although I could start with you first, if you prefer."
"HAH! Boy thinks he has the mettle to go up against the veteran of two foreign wars?!" the corporal balked.
"Big deal," Zel said. "I helped take down Shaburanigdo, the dark lord of all."
"Think you're something tough, do ya, boy? Wanna put your money where your mouth is??"
Zelgadis cracked his knuckles. "Amelia? Would having a little tete-a-tete with General Mayhem here go too far beyond our agreement for leeway?"
"Nnhggh... nhnh... six..." Amelia grunted, pushing up.
"I'll take that as a no."
The corporal turned red. "Alright, punk! 'bout time your elder taught you some lessons!" He pulled his ceremonial combat oar from his belt, readying it. "HAVE AT Y--"
"RA TILT!!" Zelgadis yelled, angling the spirit dimension's energy across reality and channeling it as a steady stream of raw psychic force. With a howl of ethereal winds, the corporal was blasted at subsonic speeds across the harbor, through a few masts, and into the window of a mattress factory a thousand feet away.
Melvin clapped in appreciation. "Bravo, bravo."
"I just used the most powerful spell in Shamanism to smack an annoying person," Zelgadis realized. "Melvin, do you think I'm turning into Lina?"
"Why, of course not. Your hair is such a nice bluish green, not orange."
Zelgadis turned to the others, looking downright tired. "How about if we just forge that guy's signature on our forms and move on?"
There was a consensus of nodding.
"Good. Amelia? You can stop that now."
"Nnhh.. seven... ano? Oh. Sorry!"