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(Scene: A smoky beat-knick coffee-shop/bar. There is a large, dusty wooden stage, graced only with a microphone and wooden stool, with a ratty maroon sheet that acts as a backdrop. It is dark in the audience, but if one looks closely enough, they can see many people and pokémon, all wearing Team Rocket paraphernalia. There is a low murmuring in the background as everyone is talking amongst themselves. Suddenly, a spotlight lights up the stage. A young Team Rocket member, in full, black uniform, with green hair and John Lennon glasses, takes the stage. She clears her throat as she steps in front of the mike. She seems a little nervous).
GIRL: Welcome, everyone. Our first act of the evening is by everyone's favorite lavender-haired, wheezing/victreebelle trainer with the psychotic parents who want him to marry a scary bondage queen, who's first name begins with 'J', Team Rocket Member, James!
PERSON SHOUTING FROM AUDIENCE: He's the only lavender-haired, wheezing/victreebelle trainer with the psychotic parents who want him to marry a scary bondage queen, who's first name begins with 'J', Team Rocket Member!
GIRL (scowls): Well, then he's definitely your favorite, RIGHT?
PERSON SHOUTING FROM AUDIENCE: (nods).
GIRL: As I was saying, our first act is... What? (she's cut off as someone from off stage hands her a note. She reads it then shakes her head). Okay, to the person who trains a large Snorlax, license number 842-T65, you're blocking a firelane. Giovanni orders you to move it so we don't end up having the cops show up.
(Everyone starts laughing as somebody runs out the door. The girl shakes her head again).
GIRL: As I was saying, (pauses to make sure no one is going to interrupt her again), our first act of the evening is James Roquet and The Lifting Darkness Back-up Singers! (scattered applause as the girl leaves the stage)
(James walks on the stage, dressed in his Team Rocket Uniform. Behind him stands Jessie and Meowth, also in their uniforms. The green-haired girl takes her place in line next to a blond-haired girl who is on crutches, who is standing next to an Asian girl dressed in tight leather. Next to the Asian girl is a very, large man with spiky brown hair, one green-eye and one brown eye, with attractive scars on his face. James moves the stool out of the way and adjusts the microphone to his level).
JAMES: Thank you, everyone. I would like to dedicate this number to my little brother Michael, Dr. Docker, and sing it in memory of Remear. (Nods to a man off-stage who pushes a button on a tape player. A good beat starts).
JAMES (SINGING):
I am the very model of Rocket Individual
Our plots are often comical, unusual and whimsical
I know the names of Pokémon and quote the fights historical
From Lavender to Saffron Gym, in order categorical.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with pain of many different kinds,
From falling out of buildings, getting shocked, and then one often finds,
Of the many hospitals I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about how one can always seem to lose.
BACK-UP SINGERS:
With many cheerful facts about how one can always seem to lose.
With many cheerful facts about how one can always seem to lose.
With many cheerful facts about how one can always seem to lose.
JAMES (SINGING):
I'm very good at being loud and making puns that make you groan
I say our motto clearly, even shout it through a megaphone.
You see in matters vegetable, animal and criminal
I am the very model of a Rocket Individual.
BACK-UP SINGERS:
In short in matters vegetable, animal and criminal
He is the very model of a Rocket Individual.
JAMES (SINGING):
Of using large ballistic weapons I am very knowledgeable,
Bazookas, cannons, riot guns and knives are all quite tangible
I can drive tanks and paddle subs and fly a large hot air balloon,
And take my naps up in a tree all wrapped up just like a cocoon.
I'm very skilled at doing things that classify as thievery,
I can wear a dress and rouge and show you true cross-dressery
I'm good at being evil and know many types of villainy,
You'll say a better Rocket Member has never... sat-a-gee.
BACK-UP SINGERS:
You'll say a better Rocket Member has never sat-a-gee.
You'll say a better Rocket Member has never sat-a-gee.
You'll say a better Rocket Member has never sat-a-gee.
JAMES (SINGING):
Someday I know we'll get around to catching that electric rat,
Then Ash and friends will cry as we feed it to our talking cat!
You see in matters vegetable, animal, and criminal,
I am the very model of a Rocket Individual!
BACK-UP SINGERS:
In short in matters vegetable, animal and criminal
He is the very model of a Rocket Individual!
(James and the singers bow and everyone applauds).
JAMES: Thank you! And don't forget to stop by tomorrow night when we'll do the Rocket Rendition of the H.M.S. Pinafore!
(The audience proceeds to run to the door, scared).