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"Things are still about the same out here. It rains everyday... constantly.. We don't see much of charlie.. but he's always around. You can never tell.. could be the woman working out in the rice field that will turn around and shoot you in the back as you walk past. And the traps.. lots of traps.. I've seen so many guys just my own age..."
"I'm sorry.. I guess I'm just trying to say.. I really miss you.. please write back.."
"Love, Butch"
Butch folded the damp piece of paper and stuffed it into a small envelope, addressing it to the US and sealing it with his tongue. He stuffed the letter into his backpack for the next time he had a chance to mail it. He'd sent letters at least every other day, but received none in reply for quite awhile..
Butch sat quietly in the jungle with the rest of his platoon. The rain fell down in his helmet, and insects crawled up into his clothes.. He had ceased to squirm at the feel of them after a few weeks..
Morning came and Butch awoke to a surprise, he could see the sun.. Maybe the rain was finally over.
Tex gave Butch a hand standing up; Tex was a year older than Butch, he was 19. The platoon would be making it to the next base today. Butch was glad they'd be making it to Fort McKinley that day.. He'd get a chance to clean his clothes and dry his shoes, as well as eat some real food..
Butch could see the road up ahead, and he sighed in relief as he relaxed his gun. Once they made it to the road the walk to the fort would only be a couple of miles.
Then he heard an all too familiar sound.
"GET DOWN!"
Bullets whizzed past as Butch dropped to his stomach and aimed his rifle out ahead of himself, firing off a few rounds.
He could see nothing but the dense forest ahead of himself.. After lying there for what seemed like hours, the lieutenant signaled for everyone to cautiously stand up.
Butch stood up, his heart was still pounding... no matter how many times he'd been shot at the anxiety never seemed to go away. He looked down to the ground.. a few feet away, Tex lay dead.. Butch grimaced as he looked at his face, his eyes were wide, a look of terror locked into his frozen features..
"Butch."
Butch turned around and caught a folded up body bag that lieutenant Martin had tossed at him. Butch pulled the bag around Tex's corpse and drug it the last hundred yards out to the road. He wondered how a 19 year old kid from texas could have been shot by a communist 15000 miles from home.. Butch sighed as he laid the bag to rest of the edge of the road, he knew it'd be picked up in a truck later.. Now it was just time for him and the rest of the platoon to continue on to Fort McKinley.
It was just like all the other forts Butch had been to.. a ten foot wall and a guard tower protected the troops inside.
Butch pulled off his damp boots and socks to relax.
He got a hamburger and was resting his tired body when lieutenant Martin approached him. Butch immediately stood up and saluted, but Martin signaled him to ease.
"Butch.. you've done a good job out here, I'm very proud of you."
"Well.. thank you sir."
"I just got this, it's your discharge papers, your tour's over."
Butch went numb.. He felt so happy, he didn't know what to say..
"When do I get to leave?"
"You can take the next helicopter out if you like."
Butch just smiled, and a few hours later he was on his way home..
Butch began walking. He walked towards Cassidy's house, hoping she still lived there with her uncle. It was a mile at least, but Butch was so used to going long distances on foot that it didn't bother him at all. When he finally got there the old house seemed empty and quiet, but he knocked on the door anyway.
Cassidy's uncle answered and lit up as he saw Butch.
"Butch! you're back?"
"Yeah.. I just got back.. is Cassidy here?"
"Oh.. um.. no, she moved out awhile back.. went to live with some friends or something.."
"Do you know where?"
"Over on Baker street I believe.. I don't know the address though. Just look for a psychedelic Vanagon (VW van).."
"Thanks Frank." Butch smiled as he turned around.
"Butch."
"Yeah?"
"Things change sometimes, Butch, people, places.. good luck."
Butch nodded, walking away not really understanding what he was talking about.. He knew where Baker street was, it was across town, so he caught a bus most of the way. Some of the younger occupants of the bus seemed to give him dirty looks as he boarded and sat down. Butch turned his head towards the window and looked out at the old neighborhoods as the bus rode it's route.
He walked the last couple of blocks from the bus stop to Baker street, and saw a multicolored VW van several lots down the street.
Butch reached the old white building and knocked on the door. A young man with long greasy black hair and a thin mustache answered. The two quickly gave each other a looking over.
"Man have you got the wrong place.."
"Is Cassidy here?" Butch asked as he tried to look around the guy and through the doorway.
"Cassidy? Just get out of here, you baby killer."
"George, what's going on?"
Cassidy came to the door and stood behind George, who was blocking her from going past.
"Butch?"
"Hi Cass.."
"I thought I told you to get out of here you baby killing piece of trash."
Butch looked at Cassidy standing behind George, her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open..
"Hey, what did I just say?"
George grabbed Butch's collar, but Butch had put up with enough; he grabbed his arm and threw him over his shoulder out onto the sidewalk.
"Butch! why'd you do that?!"
Cassidy pushed past Butch and ran over to George who was attempting to sit up.
"I.."
"Look Butch, just leave ok?"
"Why are you living with this jerk?"
"Because I love him!"
Butch froze when she said this. He didn't know what to say..
"Go!"
Butch mumbled, "I'm sorry.." as he turned onto the sidewalk and left..
"Yeah.. get the fuck out of here you god damn rapist baby killing piece of shit!"
Butch cried as he lay there.. awake all night..
When the light of morning came, Butch got up out of bed and walked to the bathroom. His eyes were red and tired. and his shoulders drooped.
Butch's mother came in to wake him up, but found him already awake. She was a short woman with dark curly hair.
"Butch, are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine.." Butch said as he turned away.
"You can tell me.."
"I SAID I'M FINE, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
"I'm sorry.."
Butch was alone again as he stood there in front of the sink with the water running.
The day before kept playing over and over in his head.. with Cassidy's voice ringing through his ears..
Butch had always loved her.. but she didn't feel the same way.. he just kept hearing her and George over and over again.
Butch got dressed and walked downstairs, not acknowledging his parents greeting as he walked out the door and back into the world he used to know.
It'd been years since she'd seen any of her old friends. Jessie, James, Butch.. all of them.
She'd moved with George out to california and gotten married, but it was short lived, as his dependency on drugs increased his temper rose to match it.. Cassidy eventually got sick of the beatings and left.
She'd seen James a few years ago when she'd gone back to Vicksburg looking for Butch, his parents had told her that he left years ago without a good-bye and never come back..
It'd been ten years since she saw him. She was wiser now, and wished she wouldn't have forsaken him.
"Cass?"
Cassidy turned around to see a handsome man with blue hair and green eyes standing behind her.
"Hey James." She said with a smile.
James didn't smile back. He had her meet him there in Washington because he said he'd found Butch.
"How are you doing, James?"
"Well, I can't complain."
"Heh, how's Jessie?"
James grinned, "She's back at home with little Butch."
Cassidy felt a little jealous of Jessie.. She'd felt Jealous of Jessie many times back in school and growing up as most of the boys seemed to like her just a little more.. Now Jessie had a little boy, and Cassidy didn't..
"You guys are so lucky." Cassidy said with a weak smile.
James came around the bench and sat down next to her, looking out straight ahead over the large pool that lay in front of them.
"You going to take me to see him?
"Cassidy.. I'm sorry, it's not exactly what you think.. I said I found him.."
"What do you mean?"
"I think you better see for yourself.."
James stood up and extended a hand to her. They walked in Silence, James was looking straight ahead.
"Here.. close your eyes, Cass.. I'll lead you."
Cassidy closed her eyes hoping for a good surprise to be coming. They continued to walk. and James made several turns leading her by her arm before he finally came to a stop.
"You can open them now."
Cassidy opened her eyes, and found she was standing in front of a marble wall with names engraved one after another all the way down it and to the sides for about 20 yards.
"What's this?"
James pointed at a name on the wall.
"Butch Kosaburo?"
"It's the Vietnam memorial."
"But Butch didn't die in Vietnam, he came home.. I remember."
James nodded, "I know I thought the same thing, but I checked the enlistment records.. He was discharged, but he signed back up for another tour just a couple of days after he returned from his first one."
Cassidy's stomach felt empty..
"He served three more consecutive tours before he was killed.. only a month before congress decided to pull everyone out.."
Cassidy reached her hand out and felt the engraved surface of the marble wall in front of her, running over his name. She knelt down on her knee and remembered the last day she'd seen him, what George had said, and how she'd rejected him. She wept freely, wishing it'd been him that she'd married and moved to California with..
James laid his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort.
George had called him a baby killer... Butch wasn't a baby killer.. Butch was still just a child when they tore him out of his home and landed him in that cold dark jungle so far away.. And Butch wasn't the only one, the names of 50,000 other children were engraved on that wall in front of her.