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To love you forever, beloved.
I stare at you, and I know, I know for a fact you love me. But, that love is not the kind I've hoped for.. You smiled at me, and in return, I smile back. You love her, don't you? Since the time we met again, and you were with her. From that time, I knew, I knew you loved her. But all I did was ignore that fact, trying desperately for that same affection.
Its been some time since then, and now your love is fact. That firey red-haired scoreress whom saved my life. Who risked her very own for me, for her secret rival. I didn't know what to think after her fall, when she silently laid there. Yes, I healed her, she was a dear friend. No, she is a dear friend, still. But now I watch, and all I can do is smile. Its begining to hurt my face..
Its a celebration, one in which I'm supose to be happy about. I'm trying, L-Sama knows how hard I've tried. Not just now, but through everything. Tears reluctantly fall down my face to no end. At least I'm not the only crying one.. But we are not crying for the same reason. My heart is aching, and I'm not sure what I should do. And then he walks to my side, he looks very handsome in his fine clothing. Clothing only used for such occasions.. Such as a wedding. His large hand brushing against my face, and I keep the warmth there, I keep it there as long as I can. He slowly speaks to me, trying to sooth away my tears. And again, I smile, its seems to be the only thing I'm able to do now adays..
He's happy, I know he is. In return, this make me happy. Some things are uncontrolable, and this is one thing that was. I smile, and mingle with the others. And then we all watched them leave, out the door of their destiny. But then, I see his smile, It was for me... Yes.. And then silently he turned away, taking his new wife in his arms and stepping into their carriage. My heart is happy now.. I have his smile..
He wrote me today, the note which I hold in my tiny hands. I take a seat in a chair next to the fire place. My Uncle is gone for the moment, it gives me some time to reminese. I slowly read the note aloud. It tells of their new house, funny, I thought they'd never settle down. They still fight mazoku, which I figured. She could never stay away from a battle, but then again, neither could he. I tried to finish the note, but I couldn't. It was too painful.. everything.. And then my Uncle returned. I couldn't let him see me like this! Quickly I made my escape out the door, telling him I needed to take a walk.
I stop midway in the woods. Here I am, this is where my life has taken me. Yes, I'm still happy, but this happiness was never for myself. The paper crinckled in my balled fist. Throughtout my entire life, have I been happy for myself? I've only lived for others, my happiness never truely did matter, did it? I fall to my knees, and I now understand. My life is meaningless! Who do I have to live for? I have no one.. do I? Father.. shall I join you? I've prayed to L-Sama secretly for days.. months.. maybe years to take me away from this false life. With a shakey hand, I enter a pocket in my cape. I can't say I know what to do now.. My reasoning isn't the best.
Now, I'll make myself happy. I'm sorry if I'm being selfish.. I supose I've always been selfish.. This feeling hurts too much, I can't stand it any longer! Have I gone.. insane..? That's not bad.. Is it? I'm trembling, I can't help it. I take the object from my pocket, it enters my skin.. the blood trickles.. Its warm..
Am I leaving? Am I leaving this false life..? Its hard to breath.. Its hard to keep my eyes open.. Wait.. I never finish the note! I take my weak arm, making the note fall before my face. And I finish.. And my heart filled with regret.. They were coming.. To visit me?
Thats when I heard the rustling of the brush and trees..
And then the shouts of the two.. And they ran.. I could tell. I could fell a warm breath.. I opened my eyes again.. And there he was. His face filled with worry, his shaking hand again touching my cheek. This time, I kept the warmth. Was he.. crying? Why? My eyes searched, and I found her. She too, was crying..
Have I done something wrong? My heart sunk as I came to the realization.. Yes, I did something wrong.. And by doing this, I've caused them all pain! My eyes return to him, and I stare into his eyes.
My eyes.. their feeling heavy now.. NO! I won't close them.. I don't ever want to lose that image of him.. His wife.. Yes.. his destiny was healing me.. Trying desperately, knowing that it was for not.
I'm leaving this world, whether I like it or not. And now.. I haven't the choice but to close my eyes. They began to yell, telling my to hold on, that I would be alright.. No, I won't be alright. I'm now leaving this world.. knowing that I couldn't turn back.. But as I close my eyes, his image remains.. He's smiling.. And I'm smiling back. Because, I know for a fact, the promise in my heart.
To love you forever, beloved.