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Author’s notes: Did I mention I hate cold? It makes my fingers all stiff…anyway, it’s back to Majo-chan’s angsty and depressing fanfics. Slayers Inversed is developing, albeit slowly, so I thought I should hold that for a bit and see if I can come up with anything else…blame the weather. ^_^
Ignorance is bliss.
I don’t think she knows that, not on a conscious level, anyway. If she did, she wouldn’t be yelling at me about my stupidity all the time. Or maybe she just yells because she needed to get the anger off her chest and direct it somewhere else, where it can’t do as much damage.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking, poor Lina, she doesn’t understand it at all. Sometimes thinking too much is what gets you in the end, all those doubts and facts cluttering up your brain, slowing you down. Maybe she had been thinking too much, about the world, about what she was doing, about us. Maybe she was thinking about us.
I know these things, and I use it to comfort myself after the sting of the insult, the ache of the smack. Xelloss isn’t the only one that can smile innocently, and I must say that I am much more believable when I pretend. How suspicious can you be of an idiot? Suspicion is born when the person acts contrary to what is expected of him. People certainly don’t expect much from morons.
Hide behind that innocent, brainless smile, that’s what I do. Just as Xelloss hides behind his mischievous one, just as Lina hides herself behind her explosive, trigger-happy exterior, so that people quickly learn to not get too close. She’s like flame. Get too close, and you’ll get burned. Just as Amelia hides behind her loud and forceful speeches, so that little nagging voice of doubt inside is drowned out.
We’re all hiding.
It’s funny, really. I think Xelloss knows, but everyone else is oblivious. I don’t even think Lina knows what she’s doing, not fully aware, like I am. Pretty impressive for an idiot, isn’t it? All muscle, no brain, a mindless but loyal follower with a powerful sword. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what she thinks of me, no matter how much she acts like it is. Lina might not be aware, but she’s not stupid.
I’ll pretend I don’t see her blush. I’ll pretend to fall asleep as she tries to talk to me. I’ll pretend my short-term memory doesn’t exist. Just as she pretends that she doesn’t care, just as she insists that there’s no possible way that she could love me.
I’ll keep pretending to be blind, just as she keeps pretending that nothing more than friendship exists between us.
I’ll just keep pretending ignorance.