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It had been a dead end, another dead end. The months it had taken them to find the city, the hours they had spent making their way down to the laboratory, the days he had spent searching the contents of the library, it had all been for nothing. Zelgadiss glared down at his hands, hands that were still blue and made of stone despite all his efforts. What was the point of it all?
He looked back through the trees to where he could just barely see the light of a campfire. That was where his friends were, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, even the annoying Xellos, and here he was, alone in the darkness. It was quite symbolic actually, he was always isolated, even when he was with them. He was the sideshow freak, a pet cause and the butt if far too many jokes. He hated it, hadn't he paid enough for his mistake?
Without really thinking about it he drew his sword and watched the moonlight dance across the double-edged blade.
How much more? How many more dead ends? How many more wasted moments was he expected to spend before being given his cure?
Unless there was none.
It was a possibility he had never allowed himself to consider, not until now. Why would there be a cure? Rezo certainly never expected to turn him back into a human. Why was he convinced that there was a way to undo what had happened to him?
Logically the process should be irreversible, like certain chemical reactions. Just because three things can be combined into one doesn't mean they can be separated again.
His eyes traced the sharp edges of the blade.
There was no cure. He had probably know that all along, somewhere deep in his mind he had recognised it, but hopelessness still washed over him in a consuming wave. He would be like this forever.
Eyes still on the blade he whispered,
Astral Vine.
Power raced through the sword as it began to glow bright orange in the darkened clearing. An enchanted blade, one that had been used to kill lesser mazoku, FULL mazoku, surely it could... He tested the edge of the blade with his finger and watched, momentarily entranced, as a thin line of blood spilled out of the cut that was now there. An enchanted blade, it could cut him, could pierce the stone skin that cursed him.
He held the blade in front of him and contemplated the orange glow. It would really be so easy, one quick movement, a little bit of pain and it would all be over. No more hopeless searches, no more joke, no more suffering, it would all be over. Why not? He began to turn the point of the blade to face him.
"Finally going to kill yourself Zelgadiss-san?" a cheerful, an unfortunately familiar, voice said from behind him. With an ill-concealed growl of frustration, Zelgadiss turned from his contemplation of the blade to glare at the purple-haired mazoku priest.
"Go away Xellos, I don't need an audience."
"You're really going to do it, aren't you?" he answered with some surprise, "Really Zelgadiss-san, I didn't know that you were that heartless, I am impressed."
"What are you talking about? There's nothing heartless about this."
"Oh really?" the mazoku continued to smile as he watched Zelgadiss shift uneasily, "What do you think will happen when they find you? They will you know, eventually they will come looking."
"They..." his voice trailed off as he looked at his sword uncertainly.
"I can just see it. Gourry-san will probably be confused at first, Lina-san will be angry, and Amelia-san, well, just imagine how she'd be after seeing the object of her affections with a sword through his chest. Regardless of their initial reactions, the end result will be the same for all of them. They will feel hurt, betrayed and abandoned. You're going to put them through all that and you say it's not being heartless? Really Zelgadiss-san, you know better."
He paused for a moment, "I know that, but I, I can't do this anymore, I can't!"
"Can't do what?"
"Keep suffering through disappointment after disappointment."
"So don't."
"What do you mean?"
"You've obviously accepted the fact that your cure probably doesn't exist, so just stop looking for it."
"That's giving up." He grumbled.
"And that isn't?" the mazoku countered, pointing to the sword. "Fine then, keep looking, just don't expect to actually find it."
"What's the point in looking for something I know I'll never find?"
Xellos sighed, "Have you ever heard the phrase 'life's a journey, not a destination?' Your friends all live that way, haven't you noticed?"
Zelgadiss looked back towards the faint glow of the campfire. Xellos was right of course, they always had some goal in mind, but it never seemed all that important. None of the cared if they got a little side tracked along the way, or if they never reached what they were looking for because something else would always come up. That was why it was so easy for them to tag along with him, they didn't care where they were going as long as they were going somewhere.
"Yes," he finally replied, "I had noticed."
"You should try it for once. You may find the journey more enjoyable if you stop worrying about not reaching the end of it fast enough."
Zelgadiss was quiet for a moment, then turned to Xellos suspiciously, "Things would be far more interesting for you if I just killed myself, why are you talking me out of it?"
Xellos opened his eyes briefly and winked, "Sore wa himitsu desu."
Zelgadiss sighed and looked back towards his sword, "I shouldn't have expected an answer, but I would still like to know the reason."
There was another brief silence and then Xellos spoke quietly, "Maybe, just maybe, it's because I only have as many friends as you do, it not less. I cannot afford to loose even a potential one."
Zelgadiss couldn't think of an answer to that, but he didn't have to. Without missing a beat, Xellos continued cheerfully,
"And maybe it's just because Amelia-san cries very, very, loudly."
In spite of himself Zelgadiss laughed at that, he looked up at the mazoku who just winked again and pointed to the sword, then vanished.
Zelgadiss looked back at the blade and was met with the image of moonlight shining off bright steel once again. With a small smile he sheathed the blade and turned towards the campfire.
Enjoy the journey? He shrugged, it was worth a try.
Walking quickly he left the darkness of the forest and joined his friends, all four of them, beside the light of the campfire.